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| I never realized until I visited Washington, DC, why some people feel completely lost. I think if I lived full time in a city with that many people passing by my windows everyday, I would feel a little lost too. The way we walk past the homeless crunced in a fetal position outside of the upscale shops. The desperate hungry eyes of people with shopping carts and no groceries inside.
But then there were the sweaty joggers in the National Mall that ran past the cool mists of the Hirshhorn museum, and the silly ducks standing at the top of the man-made waterfalls at the World War II memorial. Did you know Abe's right foot sticks out from it's resting place just a little, his toes pointing back towards the Washington Monument? The tree-lined walk beside the reflection pool reminds me somewhat of old country roads, except the duck shit all over the ground gives it this terrible smell. And the sweaty DC residents who use all of these national sights to host not only their jogging grounds, but their company softball games.
"Little Miss Sunshine" is definitely a must see, and I'm very happy that I got to watch such a low budget, Sundance film in DC. This is something I'll never be able to do in Mississippi.
Greg comes back Saturday, and I can't wait to see him again. Sometimes I forget how long we've been together, since school so greatly breaks time down. Soon I will go back and be absent for a while again.
I await long days staring through the slanted sunshine in the yearbook office. I can't complain: they did give me a MacBook Black to work with. But as of now, I see the stack of papers in front of me and the huge to do list on my Outlook program, and I'm not sure I want to even approach it.
New York City in October. I wonder if it will be much different from Washington, DC.
I still have not grown the balls to submit my poetry to any literary journals. After looking through them today, I know none of them are good enough or ready.
Grey's Anatomy tonight with Charlie. I'm looking forward to it. | | |
| It's been a while. I have to admit, after reading everyone's entries, I don't feel quite so bitter.
I mean, yeah, I only talk to greg maybe 20-45 minutes a day, as opposed to seeing him for three hours at least. And sure, school isn't kicking my ass all that much.
Maybe I'm just a bitter old toad. All of this is stemming from the fact that I don't get to see the man I love for a perfectly good reason, and my angst that I'll never be his match. I mean, it's becoming a common problem for me to sit there and figure out how in the world I got stuck with a genius, and me the non-successful girlfriend who's just a picture on a NASA desk?
I want to do more. But most of all, I want to feel better about myself.
And I want freedom with my boyfriend for hell's sake. I don't even get to have him over at the house, but the rest of my friends are vacationing with their loved ones.
Bitter bitter bitter. It needs to stop. | | |
| Last night home. I can hear the mumblings of my parents below
me. My stomach is protesting only two more meals, before going
back to college cafeteria food. The to-do list beside me is still
full, but a significant amount is checked and marked off. Bags
packed, except toiletry essentials. I can feel my home pulling
away from me, and it's the first time I've missed it in a year.
Sometimes I wonder why it took me moving out for me to feel comfortable
at home. I still don't feel great at night, when the lights are
all off, but in general, I feel good here.
I told my Grandmother today about Greg. She said she didn't think he was too old. Surprising.
Looking forward to seeing him again. I miss him. But I know
that this will just start the count down to when he leaves for
Huntsville. And then two months without. If Jess and Aaron
can do a year of this, I can do it. He and I have been through
similar. Somehow I know it doesn't mean I won't whine and cry
anyway.
I truly worry about a few people everyday. Here they are:
Greg. Emily. Jessica. Christina.
Jean-Rene. Greg. The rest, I guess I feel are able to
handle it all on their own. I highly suspect I need to stop
thinking of myself as everyone's mother.
I can't believe I'm depressed about leaving home.
3 weeks of school.
1 week of finals.
Spring Session Ends.
2 weeks of vacation.
Summer Session Begins.
5 weeks of school.
4 days of vacation (maybe).
3 weeks of school.
1 week of finals.
Summer Session Ends.
2.5 weeks of vacation.
Fall Session Begins.
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| I'm procrastinating today. Nothing new, really. I'm at home
for my birthday, but I won't be able to go out (to all of you who are
having spring break). This weekend is just too packed.
I have four papers in progress. Most are still in the thought
stage, but that means that later they'll all be in the research stage
and writing stage together. And I just don't know if I can handle
that amount of work right now and still stay sane. I've been holding it
together so far, but I tend to have major break downs when things pile
on me and I can't do anything worth an emotional release.
The summer is shaping up to be something very different than I
imagined. There aren't two summer sessions, like I previously
thought. So, New York trip is cancelled.
Instead, I'll be taking nine hours of class during the summer, and
hopefully boarding with Jessica somewhere nice. It'll be good to
have a summer without many extracurricular activities. It'll also
be good to live somewhere else and just hang out.
Greg is trying to get an internship at either Stennis Space Center or
BearingPoint. I really hoping he gets one of those, for his own
sake. It'll be so good for him to get into the field he wants to
go into and really feel like he's working.
I love Greg so much, but I don't want to babble about it endlessly here. I'm going to get something worthwhile to eat.
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| 2-3 days in counting.
Angry:
- My biology teacher packed the whole tree of life onto one test, minus the animals. That's way too much on one damn test.
- Itunes keeps freezing on my computer.
- A member on the forums wants to keep debating
about everything that anyone disagrees with him about. I really
don't want to debate. He's drawing me into it by pissing me off.
Sad:
- I had to cut a live earthworm open today in
lab. It suffered, and I could tell it was suffering by the way it
squirmed in pain when i stabbed through its head mercilessly. I
nearly cried.
- The Dean of the Honors College really doesn't like me.
Happy:
- I'm finished with that Biology test.
- I made a perfect score on my lab paper.
- So far tonight, I've been sitting around and playing around on the internet.
- Soon, I'm going to take a shower. (thank god)
- All I really have left to do tonight is read my world literature information and write about it.
- This damn period is about to come and then be over, and maybe my moods will equal out.
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